Irony

Irony

SLAPPED AND SCREWED

The following is a draft copy of a Bush Memo to Gov't Employees

Dear Older Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for homeland security, and the tax cut for the wealthy, we are forced to cut personnel staffing. Older employees will receive early retirement permitting retention of young republicans who represent our future. This program will take effect immediately and will be called SLAP. (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).

Those who are SLAPPED can request a review of their employment record. This review will be known as SCREWED (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). Those who have been SLAPPED AND SCREWED may appeal to SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). An employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, and SHAFTED as many times as the President deems appropriate.

Retirement eligible personnel are entitled to HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump Sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the Government.

As President I wish to assure younger employees the government will continue its policy of training employees through our: Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any civilian occupation. If you do not receive enough SHIT on the job, contact your supervisor. He is especially trained to give you all the SHIT you can tolerate.

As President I personally thank you for your valued service in support of your country.

s/ President George W. Bush

Congressional Social Security - Hmmmmmm......

Our Senators and Congressmen do not pay into Social Security, and therefore do not collect from it. Social Security Benefits were not suitable for them. They felt they should have a special plan. Many years ago they voted in their benefit plan. In more recent years, no congressman has felt the need to change it.

After all, it is a great plan. For all practical purposes, their plan works like this: When they retire no matter how long they have been in office, they continue to draw their same pay until the die, except it may be adjusted from time to time by cost of living adjustments.

Let's say a Senator and his wife draw $5 million dollars over an average life span. And the wife draws more than $275,000 during the last year of her life.

The cost of cost was ZERO - ZIPPO - "0", NADA, ZILCH!!!! Nice Perk wouldn't you say? You and I pick up the tab. Each pay day we pay an amount which is then matched by our employer. AND we can expect to receive $1000 a month hopefully, more in a few cases.

There are a lot of different retirement plans but none equal the Congressional plan. YET The congressional bastards spend the social security surplus as freely as they can get away with it.

FOLKS - WE HAVE TO YANK THE GOLDEN FLEECE. "Let's put the miserable no-good bastards under the social security plan. Betcha them bastards will work social security safeguards a little bit tighter!! Don't you think so?"

10-8-01 Received an email from a person who says someone called C-Span and suggested we give Osama Bin Laden a sex change operation and return him to the Taliban.

August 25, 2001 (from DH in Texas)

Jessie Jackson has added former Chicago democrat, Congressman Mel Reynolds to the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition's payroll. Reynolds was among the 176 criminals excused in Clinton's last minute forgiveness spree. Reynolds received a commutation of his six and a half-year federal sentence for 15 convictions of wire fraud, bank fraud, and lies to the Federal Election Commission. He was concurrently serving five years for sleeping with an underage campaign volunteer.

IN A NUTSHEL:

An ex-Congressman who had sex with a subordinate..won clemency from a President who had sex with a subordinate.

Then he was hired by a clergyman who had sex with a subordinate.

Guess what Reynolds' new job is: YOUTH COUNSELOR

******

From New York State

"Don't forget our girl Hillary. It's common knowledge she established NYS residency. She and her husband purchased an expensive up-scale house in Chappaqua, N.Y. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Makes sense. The mortgage payments hover at $10,000 per month. Makes sense. BUT, an extra residence was built within the acreage to house the Secret Service. Makes sense."

KICKER: The Clinton's charge the Secret Service $10,000 monthly to rent for the use of the secret service residence.

Does that makes sense??

It's legal. (Don't we all wish we had a gig like that)